Why Narcissists Cheat on their Spouses, Commit Adultery and have Extramarital Affairs and Liaisons
By Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.
- A routine lack of empathy is also a major red flag your partner could be a serial cheater- a person who commits infidelity repetitively over and over again without remorse. Lack of empathy is one of the 9 serial cheater profile traits from my main post.
- Common personality traits of serial cheaters include a lack of conscience, an inability to process complex emotion, and a desire to dominate and or to socially control other people’s emotions using a blend of physicality and gaslighting to achieve their own anti-social and perverse aims.
- Serial cheaters view life simply as a “dog-eat-dog world”, it’s ever man for himself and displays a warped sense of entitlement to enjoy life. Check out this post about this sick serial cheater’s lack of empathy– be prepared because it’s sickening!
- You can't trust a serial cheater You're good at hooking up but you suck at love. You Suck At Love - Simple Plan (Music Video) - Duration: 3:12. Ryan Gordon 460,459 views.
- Read this: I’m A Female Serial Cheater, And Here Are 6 Things I’ve Learned About Relationships Read this: I Found Out He Was A Cheater When I Saw A Sonogram Picture On Facebook Read this: 19 People Try To Explain If “Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater,” Is A Correct Statement Cataloged in.
- So here are each of the sun signs ranked in order from most to least likely to be serial cheaters and why: Pisces (February 19 - March 20) This will be shocking, but the zodiac sign most likely to cheat is Pisces. Normally sensitive and super emotional, they can’t help but act upon the smallest mood swing.
Narcissists cheat on their spouses, commit adultery and have extramarital affairs and liaisons for a variety of reasons which reflect disparate psychodynamic processes: 1. In the quest for narcissistic supply, the somatic narcissist resorts to serial sexual conquests.
Narcissists cheat on their spouses, commit adultery and have extramarital affairs and liaisons for a variety of reasons which reflect disparate psychodynamic processes:
1. In the quest for narcissistic supply, the somatic narcissist resorts to serial sexual conquests.
2. Narcissists are easily bored (they have a low boredom threshold) and they have a low tolerance for boredom. Sexual dalliances alleviate this nagging and frustrating ennui.
3. Narcissists maintain an island and focus of stability in their life, but all the other dimensions of their existence are chaotic, unstable, and unpredictable. This 'twister' formation serves many emotional needs which I expound upon elsewhere. Thus, a narcissist may be a model employee and pursue a career path over decades even as he cheats on his wife and fritters their savings away.
4. Narcissists feel superior and important and so entitled to be above the law and to engage in behaviors that are frowned upon and considered socially unacceptable in others. They reject and vehemently resent all limitations and conditions placed upon them by their partners. They act on their impulses and desires unencumbered by social conventions and strictures.
5. Marriage, monogamy, and child-bearing and rearing are common activities that characterize the average person. The narcissist feels robbed of his uniqueness by these pursuits and coerced into the relationship and into roles - such as a husband and a father - that reduce him to the lowest of common denominators. This narcissistic injury leads him to rebel and reassert his superiority and specialness by maintaining extramarital affairs.
6. Narcissists are control freaks. Having a relationship implies a give-and-take and a train of compromises which the narcissist acutely interprets to mean a loss of control over his life. To reassert control, the narcissist initiates other relationships in which he dictates the terms of engagement (love affairs).
7. Narcissists are terrified of intimacy. Their behavior is best characterized as an approach-avoidance repetition complex. Adultery is an excellent tool in the attempt to retard intimacy and resort to a less threatening mode of interaction.
Broadly speaking, there are two types of narcissists, loosely corresponding to the two categories mentioned in the question: the somatic narcissist and the cerebral narcissist.
Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually - or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.
The somatic narcissist uses sex to 'conquer' and 'secure' new sources of narcissistic supply. Consequently, the somatic rarely gets emotionally-involved with his 'targets'. His is a mechanical act, devoid of intimacy and commitment. The cerebral narcissist feels that sex is demeaning and degrading. Acting on one's sex drive is a primitive, basic, and common impulse. The cerebral narcissist convinces himself that he is above all that, endowed as he is with superior intelligence and superhuman self-control.
Still, sex for both types of narcissists is an instrument designed to increase the number of Sources of Narcissistic Supply. If it happens to be the most efficient weapon in the narcissist's arsenal, he makes profligate use of it. In other words: if the narcissist cannot obtain adoration, admiration, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other means (e.g., intellectually) - he resorts to sex.
He then become a satyr (or a nymphomaniac): indiscriminately engages in sex with multiple partners. His sex partners are considered by him to be objects - sources of Narcissistic Supply. It is through the processes of successful seduction and sexual conquest that the narcissist derives his badly needed narcissistic 'fix'.
The narcissist is likely to perfect his techniques of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a form of art. He usually exposes this side of him - in great detail - to others, to an audience, expecting to win their approval and admiration. Because the Narcissistic Supply in his case is in the very act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination - the narcissist is forced to hop from one partner to another.
Some narcissists prefer 'complicated' situations. If men - they prefer virgins, married women, frigid or lesbian women, etc. The more 'difficult' the target - the more rewarding the narcissistic outcome. Such a narcissist may be married, but he does not regard his extra-marital affairs as either immoral or a breach of any explicit or implicit contract between him and his spouse.
He keeps explaining to anyone who cares to listen that his other sexual partners are nothing to him, meaningless, that he is merely taking advantage of them and that they do not constitute a threat and should not be taken seriously by his spouse. In his mind a clear separation exists between the honest 'woman of his life' (really, a saint) and the whores that he is having sex with.
With the exception of the meaningful women in his life, he tends to view all females in a bad light. His behaviour, thus, achieves a dual purpose: securing Narcissistic Supply, on the one hand - and re-enacting old, unresolved conflicts and traumas (abandonment by Primary Objects and the Oedipal conflict, for instance).
When inevitably abandoned by his spouse - the narcissist is veritably shocked and hurt. This is the sort of crisis, which might drive him to psychotherapy. Still, deep inside, he feels compelled to continue to pursue precisely the same path. His abandonment is cathartic, purifying. Following a period of deep depression and suicidal ideation - the narcissist is likely to feel cleansed, invigorated, unshackled, ready for the next round of hunting.
But there is another type of narcissist. He also has bouts of sexual hyperactivity in which he trades sexual partners and tends to regard them as objects. However, with him, this is a secondary behaviour. It appears mainly after major narcissistic traumas and crises.
A painful divorce, a devastating personal financial upheaval - and this type of narcissist adopts the view that the 'old' (intellectual) solutions do not work anymore. He frantically gropes and searches for new ways to attract attention, to restore his False Ego (=his grandiosity) and to secure a subsistence level of Narcissistic Supply.
Sex is handy and is a great source of the right kind of supply: it is immediate, sexual partners are interchangeable, the solution is comprehensive (it encompasses all the aspects of the narcissist's being), natural, highly charged, adventurous, and pleasurable. Thus, following a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is likely to be deeply involved in sexual activities - very frequently and almost to the exclusion of all other matters.
However, as the memories of the crisis fade, as the narcissistic wounds heal, as the Narcissistic Cycle re-commences and the balance is restored - this second type of narcissist reveals his true colours. He abruptly loses interest in sex and in all his sexual partners. The frequency of his sexual activities deteriorates from a few times a day - to a few times a year. He reverts to intellectual pursuits, sports, politics, voluntary activities - anything but sex.
This kind of narcissist is afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and is even more afraid of emotional involvement or commitment that he fancies himself prone to develop following a sexual encounter. In general, such a narcissist withdraws not only sexually - but also emotionally. If married - he loses all overt interest in his spouse, sexual or otherwise. He confines himself to his world and makes sure that he is sufficiently busy to preclude any interaction with his nearest (and supposedly dearest).
He becomes completely immersed in 'big projects', lifelong plans, a vision, or a cause - all very rewarding narcissistically and all very demanding and time consuming. In such circumstances, sex inevitably becomes an obligation, a necessity, or a maintenance chore reluctantly undertaken to preserve his sources of supply (his family or household).
The cerebral narcissist does not enjoy sex and by far prefers masturbation or 'objective', emotionless sex, like going to prostitutes. Actually, he uses his mate or spouse as an 'alibi', a shield against the attentions of other women, an insurance policy which preserves his virile image while making it socially and morally commendable for him to avoid any intimate or sexual contact with others.
Ostentatiously ignoring women other than his wife (a form of aggression) he feels righteous in saying: 'I am a faithful husband'. At the same time, he feels hostility towards his spouse for ostensibly preventing him from freely expressing his sexuality, for isolating him from carnal pleasures.
The narcissist's thwarted logic goes something like this: 'I am married/attached to this woman. Therefore, I am not allowed to be in any form of contact with other women which might be interpreted as more than casual or businesslike. This is why I refrain from having anything to do with women - because I am being faithful, as opposed to most other immoral men.
However, I do not like this situation. I envy my free peers. They can have as much sex and romance as they want to - while I am confined to this marriage, chained by my wife, my freedom curbed. I am angry at her and I will punish her by abstaining from having sex with her.'
Thus frustrated, the narcissist minimises all manner of intercourse with his close circle (spouse, children, parents, siblings, very intimate friends): sexual, verbal, or emotional. He limits himself to the rawest exchanges of information and isolates himself socially.
His reclusion insures against a future hurt and avoids the intimacy that he so dreads. But, again, this way he also secures abandonment and the replay of old, unresolved, conflicts. Finally, he really is left alone by everyone, with no Secondary Sources of Supply.
In his quest to find new sources, he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the selection of a spouse or a mate (a Secondary Narcissistic Supply Source). Then the cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sexual activity, emotional absence and cruel detachment leading to abandonment.
The second type of narcissist is mostly sexually loyal to his spouse. He alternates between what appears to be hyper-sexuality and asexuality (really, forcefully repressed sexuality). In the second phase, he feels no sexual urges, bar the most basic. He is, therefore, not compelled to 'cheat' upon his mate, betray her, or violate the marital vows. He is much more interested in preventing a worrisome dwindling of the kind of Narcissistic Supply that really matters. Sex, he says to himself, contentedly, is for those who can do no better.
Somatic narcissists tend to verbal exhibitionism. They tend to brag in graphic details about their conquests and exploits. In extreme cases, they might introduce 'live witnesses' and revert to total, classical exhibitionism. This sits well with their tendency to 'objectify' their sexual partners, to engage in emotionally-neutral sex (group sex, for instance) and to indulge in autoerotic sex.
The exhibitionist sees himself reflected in the eyes of the beholders. This constitutes the main sexual stimulus, this is what turns him on. This outside 'look' is also what defines the narcissist. There is bound to be a connection. One (the exhibitionist) may be the culmination, the 'pure case' of the other (the narcissist).
Sin of self-love possesseth all mine eyeAnd all my soul and all my every part;And for this sin there is no remedy,It is so grounded inward in my heart.Methinks no face so gracious is as mine,No shape so true, no truth of such account;And for myself mine own worth do define,As I all other in all worths surmount.But when my glass shows me myself indeed,Beated and chopp'd with tann'd antiquity,Mine own self-love quite contrary I read;Self so self-loving were iniquity.'Tis thee, myself, that for myself I praise,Painting my age with beauty of thy days.
(Sonnet 62, William Shakespeare)
Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East as well as many other books and ebooks about topics in psychology, relationships, philosophy, economics, and international affairs. He served as a columnist for Central Europe Review, Global Politician, PopMatters, eBookWeb , and Bellaonline, and as a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent. He was the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101. Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com You can download 30 of his free ebooks in http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/freebooks.html.
Although the age old saying asserts that 'cheaters never prosper', unfortunately, in the dating world, that couldn't be further from the truth. Quite the contrary, in fact, in this age, it seems that the cheaters are the ones who are actually the most successful. Unfortunately, we are living in an age in which many people place appearances over reality. Therefore, there may be an array of reasons why someone who doesn't truly want a committed relationship, would lead you to believe so. Most of us have been there: you meet someone, think they're awesome, get to know them, fall in love, only to find out that they were getting to know others on the same level (or maybe even a deeper level) as they have been getting to know you, and they may even already be in a relationship. Bummer. And unfortunately, there is no reset button for the heart; once you feel something for someone, you just have to allow the emotions to run their course.
On the flip side, although people may not be very forthcoming about their secret cheating ways, there are a number of signs and traits that serve as red flags in regards to dealing with potential cheaters. Therefore, although there may not be a way to completely stay away from cheaters, you can learn enough to easily spot those who fit the bill. Do you feel like the person you’re with may be hiding something, or that you are especially prone to attracting cheaters? The following is an overview of 15 common traits of cheaters.
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Start Now15 They're Highly Attractive
Although this trait is not commonly mentioned on the pages of psychological publications, being physically attractive is one of the top ways cheaters maintain an endless stream of victims. Whether you want to admit it or not, most of us are likely to either look the other way or forgive a cheater when we're too busy drooling to be upset. Moreover, studies have shown that women, in particular, are more likely to cheat based solely on the element of attraction; up to 44% of women actually cited this as their reason for infidelity. This is not to say that it is right or acceptable for anyone to cheat, however, the world's most valued cheaters are typically highly attractive and despite the terrible feelings associated with being cheated on, just being allowed to behold their sheer magnificence, is enough to make most take the risk. Take, for example, the entertainment realm. There are a number of womanizers (and manizers?) in the public eye. For instance, Kris Jenner (and a few of her daughters) have a notoriously scandalous past as far as relationships and fidelity are concerned. Yet and still, there seems to be no shortage in terms of the number of potential love interests for any of them. Meanwhile, there are quite a few faithful entertainers who haven’t been in a serious relationship in years.
14 They Have Narcissistic Tendencies
For those who aren't yet familiar, the concept of ‘narcissism’ refers to a disorder which is fuelled by an inflated sense of self-importance. It shouldn’t be difficult to imagine how such a thing would play into the notion of cheating. On the whole, those who either suffer from narcissistic personality disorder or simply have narcissistic tendencies think of themselves as highly important and have a serious lack of empathy. This means, while most of us regularly consider the feelings of our loved ones as well as those around us, the narcissist will often neglect your emotions altogether; his/hers are all that matters. Therefore, while others may refrain from cheating because they value their partner or because they don’t want to hurt their feelings, a narcissist will be too busy thinking of the reasons why they should cheat, to ever consider the reasons they shouldn’t. Moreover, one of the top reasons many people avoid cheating is due to the subsequent guilt most experience. In the case of the narcissist, they are bereft of this guilt.
13 Add Sociopathic Tendencies To The Mix
In keeping with that notion, another common trait possessed by cheaters is being sociopathic. For those unfamiliar with the term, being a sociopath is a concept used to describe a person with a disorder that is marked by extremely antisocial behaviors as well as a general lack of conscience. While not all cheaters are sociopaths, on the whole, those who possess sociopathic traits are more prone to cheating. This is largely due to the fact that those with sociopathic tendencies have an innate disdain for rules and regulations and tend to be perpetual line-crossers. Operating under the assumption that most people are callous and self-interested, sociopathic cheaters believe that we live in a cold world in which no one is loyal to anyone. Therefore, their cheating is always justified as they often rationalize that if they hadn’t done it to you, you would have eventually cheated on them (or commit some equally egregious deed) anyhow.
12 They're Overly Flirtatious
In addition to that, another tell-tale sign that you’re dating a cheater is that they are excessively flirtatious. Indeed, although not all flirts are cheaters, most cheaters tend to display overly flirtatious behavior at some point. This is largely due to internal issues such as jealousy, insecurity, and the need for attention. The act of flirting with others gives them some form of validation within the relationship. In fact, many overly flirtatious cheaters tend to flirt right in front of their partners while writing it off as harmless fun. In fact, those who do such things while in a relationship often also have sociopathic or narcissistic tendencies and have no regard for your feelings. Moreover, although they may lead you to believe that the flirting is harmless, what they are typically doing is hiding their cheating tendencies right in plain sight. In other words, if you accept your partner's overly flirtatious ways, to them, this is likened to giving consent. Don’t expect their behavior to somehow improve when you are not around. It will likely be far worse.
11 Adrenaline Junkies & Thrill Seekers
Another common trait of cheaters is thrill-seeking behaviors. Although there are clearly people who enjoy getting their dose of adrenaline while in a committed relationship, the thrill-seeking tendencies are associated with the traits of recklessness in that those who seek thrills enjoy being in dangerous situations. Therefore, pretending to be in a committed relationship while secretly hooking up with others may be their normal pattern rather than a one-time-thing or slip-up of some sort. If so, this person likely gets caught in compromising situations regularly, and although they may pretend to care or to attempt to change, they are really just playing a game of cat and mouse that involves cheating, getting caught, and making up. If the person you are dating is routinely caught in questionable situations, they are likely doing this on purpose and by taking the time to participate by getting upset and eventually forgiving them, you are giving them exactly what they want and the behavior will simply continue.
10 They Idolize A Cheating Lifestyle
Although this trait often goes undetected, by paying closer attention to your partner, the reasons behind their cheating tendencies may become much clearer. For instance, those who are prone to cheating often idolize people and situations that promote cheating. For instance, if your girlfriend just loves Keeping Up with the Kardashians, she may be attracted to much more than the corny jokes and trendy clothes. Given that most of the women on the show never seem to be without a love interest, and that some of those relationships appeared to have overlapped on occasion (just sayin’) some young (and older) women look to the Kardashians as examples of how to conduct romantic relationships. This is not to say that the Kardashians are poster girls for infidelity, rather, that the overall vibe of the show is not one that promotes stable relationships with longevity. Therefore, rather than feeling the need to stay faithful and work things out when they are upset, they may take a page from the Kylie school of breakups and just go hang out with another dude.
9 They're Insecure
Although it may seem contradictory to the nature of the cheaters themselves, many cheaters have become the way they are due to insecurity. Often carrying heavy, lifelong emotional scars from their past, many cheaters have internalized pain that they can’t help but spread to their partners. This means, despite the fact that your partner may be attractive and/or possess an array of traits that others find appealing, their insecurities may cause them to act out simply because they feel they do not deserve you and that you will eventually leave them anyhow. Therefore, out of fear of being lonely and/or abandoned they tend to accept attention and entertain advances from those outside of their relationship. A highly contradictory trait, while it would seem like those with insecurity issues would work that much harder to keep their relationships, oftentimes they simply opt to carry on with outside relationships in order to fill the void and ensure that they never feel alone or inadequate.
8 They're Highly Deceptive
In addition to that, obviously, many cheaters have issues with telling the truth. This is clearly not a stretch as the very act of cheating is innately deceptive. Moreover, given that they also tend to possess narcissistic and sociopathic traits, among other things, this makes it that much easier for them to cheat on their partner without feeling guilty. This is a huge advantage for serial cheaters in that, while the average person might feel bad after they have cheated on someone, and remember this feeling in the future in order to deter the behavior, a cheater can cheat on someone and look them in the eye like nothing happened. Being bereft of those shameful feelings is what makes it possible for someone to cheat on a consistent basis. If you are unclear whether this pertains to your partner, a good way to figure this is out is based on how often you catch them lying to others and if they ever seem to feel guilty about such things. If not, it is likely that they don’t feel bad about deceiving you either.
7 They're Excessively Needy
Moreover, cheaters are also excessively needy. They may need your time, money, attention, energy, affection, or any combination of those. Given their insecure nature, they often act out to receive attention. For instance, some cheaters with insecurity issues may exaggerate an illness in order to get you to take care of them or demand that you buy them something to “prove” you truly love them. Sadly, no matter how much you do for this person they will never be satisfied and when you find out they cheated on you, they will simply blame you for not doing enough and move on. The problem with these types is that they seek validation through the eyes and praises of others. Therefore, when you are not validating their existence, they begin to feel slighted and will often seek out this validation from others. This does not necessarily mean they will cheat on you because you didn’t compliment their new haircut. However, if their neighbor happens to compliment their hair on a day in which you were too busy to notice, that new do may be a lot messier the next time you see them…
6 They Have A Questionable Moral Compass
Obviously, those who are serial cheaters tend to have a questionable moral compass. Although monogamy is certainly not the 'be all and end all' of the relationship realm, cheating is never the best option. Cheating, by definition, involves deceiving one or both of your love interests, solely in the interest of pleasing yourself. While not all cheaters tend to engage in reckless behavior, many cheaters tend to also enjoy some form of negativity in their lives in general. For instance, a closet cheater (and otherwise decent person) may often engage in gossiping and talking trash about others. They may pretend to “hate drama” or to not want to be involved in it, yet you have likely noticed, and may have even asked them why they refuse to disassociate themselves with the source of the drama. The answer is simple, they love it! Similarly, you may notice that they seem to be bereft of empathy and remorse when these actions lead to negative consequences for others.
5 They're Drama Royalty
In keeping with that notion, cheaters are the drama kings and queens of the world. Not to get super psychoanalytical, however, as humans, we tend to normalize and repeat the types of relationships we witness as children. For instance, if you grew up in a home in which your mother and father were always arguing, you may not be happy in a relationship that doesn’t include regular screaming matches. In the case of the cheating drama lovers, they are often convinced that stable relationships are boring and go out of their way to create drama just to keep themselves from getting bored and the relationship from growing stale. This means, by getting mad and playing along, you are essentially giving this person foreplay as they are pining for those intense emotions to ensure that you truly care. Once they have gotten you upset, they have no issue with being the ‘bigger person’ and making up with you as this is the very reason they started the argument to begin with.
4 They Have An Addictive Personality
You might as well face it, many serial cheaters have highly addictive personalities. This is for a number of reasons. On the one hand, those who have addictive personalities in general, are also prone to becoming hooked on sex as the intense feelings associated with it can be likened to some sort of drug induced high. Therefore, no matter how much sex they are getting from their partners, they will always go out looking for more, and hopefully better, than what you are giving them. On the flip side, using drugs and/or alcohol on a regular basis also tends to lower our inhibitions which may make us more likely to cheat. In fact, the club scene is notoriously the realm in which many choose to go to find romantic hookups of all kinds. Therefore, if your partner is always going out and getting wasted, there is a good chance that this is the time that they are also choosing to cheat in an attempt to simply “blame it on the alcohol”.
3 They're Secretly Miserable
To delve a bit deeper, many cheaters are secretly miserable people. This is due to the fact that they are either unhappy with themselves, the relationship or both. And given that they also likely possess some of the other aforementioned cheater traits (i.e. insecurity, neediness, an addictive personality, and more) they are not likely to simply move on because they are unhappy with the relationship. Rather, they tend to search for any and every one who can make them feel better about themselves, if only momentarily. This means that by simply making them smile, a co-worker or neighbor may get lucky simply because your mate was feeling inadequate at the time. The line of thinking in these types may not be rational, but it is often predictable. They enter relationships in an attempt to escape their lives, which, of course, never works. Instead of realizing that they need to take some time to themselves, they simply blame the partner for not meeting their needs and often cheat on them as a result of this.
2 They're Highly Opportunistic
In addition to that, cheaters are often highly opportunistic people. This means, while many of us enter relationships with the intent of finding our soul mate, or at least, someone to put up with us for all eternity, the opportunistic cheater enters relationships based on what others can do for them. This type of cheater will make you feel vital to their life when they are getting what they need from you, but once they no longer need you, or they simply come across a better option, they will leave you in the dust. For instance, you may be taking excellent care of your spouse and giving them exactly what they asked you for, and they may still cheat on you with someone who has more money or resources than you. Moreover, this also means that they may be skilled at knowing when they can “get away with” cheating. For instance, an opportunistic cheater might use the death of a relative or the loss of income as an excuse to step outside of the relationship.
1 They Fear Being Alone Above All
Lastly, one of the top most common traits of cheaters is the fear of being alone above all else. Yet another contradictory trait, while it would make sense that cheaters would be faithful and on their best behavior in order to maintain their relationships, unfortunately, the opposite is often true. Rather than going out of their way to remain faithful, they often jump right into infidelity as they believe the relationship won’t last anyhow and want to have someone already lined up to take your place when it’s over. Another reason this happens, is they like to have someone to confide in and to comfort them when their relationship is on the rocks. Overall, these types are running from their own inner turmoil and the thought of being left to deal with it, even for a short time, is often too much to bear. Therefore, rather than putting their all into their relationships, they tend to develop a pattern of spreading themselves too thin as a means of ensuring that they are never left alone for long. The irony is, this is the very reason why their significant others end up leaving them alone.
Sources: huffingtonpost.com, self.com, emotionalaffair.org